Friday Charm School - The Etiquette of Introductions

Ah, the confusion that surrounds the simple act of making introductions! Yes, there are proper etiquette rules when you are introducing one person to another. The primary thing to keep in mind is to always mention the name of the woman or the most important person first. For example: "Jane, may I present Jim Jones?" Then follow with, "Jim, this is Jane Jackson." Or "Senator Davis, may I present Darlene Smith?" Then follow with, "Darlene, this is Senator Davis."

In making social and business introductions, there are three simple rules to keep in mind:

1. A man is always presented to a woman first, as in the example above.

2. A noticeably younger person is always presented to an older person. "Mr. Older, may I present Miss Teenager."

3. A man or woman is always presented to a very distinguished person, clergyman, official, or higher-up in business. "Ms. Boss, may I present our new employee, Bill Roberts."

When introducing yourself, simply say, "Hello, I am Ruth Smith." If an acquaintance seems to have forgotten your name or an earlier introduction, don't cause possible embarrassment by saying, "Remember me?" Instead, give your name and mention the place where you met, such as, "Hello! I'm Ruth Smith. We met at Bob Brown's party a couple of months ago."

Friday Charm School - Manners and Etiquette, Part 2

Last week's post about manners and etiquette rules certainly sparked some thoughtful commentary! Lets see how you feel about these accepted customs for women in the early 60s.

1. It is proper for a lady to bow her head slightly with a slight forward movement from the waist when being presented to clergymen or officials.

2. Hats are always worn in church. A hat is never worn by a hostess when entertaining at home (other than for a formal garden party). Neither are hats worn by house guests or by the daughter of the house. Hats should always be removed in a movie or theater when you are asked to.

3. Women do not smoke on the street or when waiting in line in front of a theater, store, or other building.

4. It is up to you, rather than your date, to suggest when it is time to go home or leave after dining. You should not suggest that it is time to go to another restaurant or night club, as your date may have made other plans or may not have enough money.


5. Gloves are worn to all formal occasions, going to or from church, and in the streets of large cities and towns. They are removed before eating, drinking, smoking, playing cards, or applying make-up. It is not necessary for women to remove gloves when shaking hands during an introduction.

6. It is a woman's prerogative to offer her hand during an introduction provided the other person is being presented to her. You should not offer your hand first to an older woman, an older man, or an official. You should wait for them to make the gesture.

Are you surprised by any of these? I was!

Friday Charm School - Manners and Etiquette, Part 1

Over the next several weeks, we'll take a look at some basic guidelines for good manners and proper etiquette. Keep in mind, many of these date to the early 1960s and may feel strange or have passed out of custom. The Women's Liberation movement of the 1970s had a profound effect on many of these rules of etiquette, but it never hurts to aspire to being proper and charming.

Good manners are made up of little things. Whenever there is a question of manners, try looking at things from the viewpoint of others. Think how they would feel and react. Be kind. Your behavior among strangers should not differ from your behavior among friends. Always, always, always say "Please" and "Thank you".

How should a lady defer to an older woman? (If you're a man reading this, these rules apply when you are dealing with all women, young or old.) Here are some guidelines:

1. You should rise when an older woman enters a room, unless there is a gathering of more than 10 people.
2. You should rise to speak to or be presented to an older woman and remain standing as long as she stands nearby.
3. You should allow an older woman to precede you through doorways, into elevators, or onto public conveyances (buses, trains, subways) unless she insists you go first. In that case, defer to her wishes.
4. Should an older woman join your table at a restaurant, you should stand and wait until she is seated.
5. In a crowded bus or other public conveyance, your seat should be offered to an older woman.
6. If you are walking with an older woman, you should offer to carry her parcels for her.

In addition, the same type of deference should be shown to clergymen and public officials. You should rise when greeting a much older man.

What do you think? Do these rules of etiquette sound antiquated or is this something we should strive to return to?

Friday Charm School - The Art of Conversation, Part 5

Welcome to Friday Charm School! Today is our final installment in the Art of Conversation.

Conversation Essential 5: The Good Manners of Conversation

The good manners of conversation apply whether in a large group of people or a small gathering of acquaintances or friends. Here are five points to remember:

1. No Speeches or Monologues. No matter how interesting you believe your subject to be, please don't monopolize a conversation. Ask someone else for his opinion, change the subject, or move from one group to another.

2. No Foreign Languages. In today's multi-cultural society, it is common for guests to speak more than one language, but it is the height of bad manners to speak in any language unknown to others in the group. The exception is if you have a guest who does not speak English. In this instance, you should speak in his or her language and translate for the benefit of others, or speak in English but translate for the guest who does not speak it.

3. No Guest Left Out. Involve everyone in your group in the conversation. Be sure to include late arrivals by bringing them up-to-date. Assume that everyone has at least one subject on which he can talk in a fascinating manner. Make it your mission to discover that subject and make each guest feel at ease.

4. No Attacks on Anything! Please, no blanket attacks on religion or politics. Reasonable discussions are fine, but be careful that any of these do not lead to heated exchanges or opinionated statements. As a guest, respect the household you are visiting.

5. No Strong Statements on Moral or Ethical Questions. The same reasons hold true here as for rule 4. Nothing should be said in any group which could offend any member of that group.

Always remember the first rule of good manners is to be considerate of others. Relax and enjoy the conversation!

Friday Charm School - The Art of Conversation, Part 4

Welcome to Friday Charm School! There's a lot to this conversation stuff, isn't there?

Conversation Essential 4: Develop Creative Listening Skills

While creative listening will never take the place of participation in a conversation, it is the listener who is often able to keep the conversation ball moving along. Does that sound contradictory? Here's how it works:

The creative listener truly listens to what another person is saying, becoming involved in their story and silently taking note of interesting points that bring up questions or comments. Then when the ball passes to you, you can easily keep the conversation moving with a remark that ties in directly to the statements of the last person. And you can easily ask questions that show you are interested in the other person and that will bring out the best in them.

Here's an example. John is talking with Sarah and Krissy about his recent trip to Paris. Sarah, our creative listener, has been paying attention with interest. When John finishes his story, Sarah might say, "John, I've always wanted to visit Paris, and you make me feel as if I'd been there!" Her creative listening helps keep John enthused in the conversation. Then, to keep the ball moving and to involve Krissy, Sarah can say, "Have you ever traveled to France, Krissy?" This is an invitation for Krissy to pick up the conversation. If she hasn't been to Friday Charm School and drops the ball, Sarah can turn back to John and a question like, "Did you visit any other countries in Europe, John?"

This may sound hokey, but with practice you'll be a natural at keeping the conversation lively and interesting with ease.

Creative listening is nothing more than expressing a sincere interest in another person. It's the highest form of making others interested in you - by you being interested in them!

Friday Charm School - The Art of Conversation, Part 3

Welcome to Friday Charm School! Today we continue our look at the Art of Conversation.

Conversation Essential 3: Have Something Interesting to Say

One of the best things you can do in preparation for a party or get-together is to go armed with at least one or two interesting stories, anecdotes, or thoughts about the latest world news. Remember, the best conversations are not mere accidents. Plan in advance to have something interesting to say!

Here are some ideas for topics that will make for great conversations:

- Recent news headlines from your favorite newspaper, online news website, or blog.
- Your favorite book or a recent one you've read, or your favorite author
- Your favorite type of music, a favorite song, or musician
- Sports headlines or sports you participate in
- Places to go and things to do in your city
- Your hobbies or interests

Talking about ideas or experiences that interest you will show in your enthusiasm and tone of voice, and thus will interest others. That's the way to keep the conversational ball rolling!

Avoid falling into the conversational pitfall of trying to talk intelligently about something you don't have an interest in or understanding of. It is much more graceful to admit you are not familiar with a subject than to pretend that you do. No one likes a phony.

Taking a look back at My Fair Lady, here are the amusing consequences that happen when Eliza is introduced to society. She has been taught how to speak, but not what to talk about!

Friday Charm School - The Art of Conversation, Part 2

Today we continue our look at the Art of Conversation.

Conversation Essential 2: Starting a Conversation

Whether meeting someone new or greeting someone you've met before, knowing how to start a conversation is an essential skill. Even the most brilliant conversations start with an easy opener. A remark about the weather, the current news, or your surroundings will break the ice and include everyone. This also allows your fellow conversationalists time to prepare a follow through topic. Before arriving at a party, have several "openers" in mind so you'll feel at ease.

If conversation lags, ask a leading question about one of the other people in the group. Something along the line of, "How do you know our hostess?" or "What do you do for a living?" will work perfectly to keep things moving. Conversation is like a ball that bounces from place to place. It is your responsibility to keep the ball moving and not let it drop. When moving from group to group, you can use the same openers or leading questions again to start a new conversation.

Friday Charm School - The Art of Conversation, Part 1

Welcome to Friday Charm School! If you were invited to a party given by an acquaintance, would you be able to walk into a room full of strangers with confidence and ease? The ability to mix and converse with friends and strangers alike is an important social skill.

In today's modern world of texting and twittering, it seems that conversation is becoming a lost art. But an evening of interesting, lively conversation can be an exhilarating and memorable one. The mere act of two or more people having the opportunity to express themselves is one of the most satisfying experiences in life.

Over the next few weeks, we'll look at five essentials of becoming a good conversationalist, both as a hostess and as a guest. Practicing these skills will help you avoid becoming the sit-in-the-corner guest or the hide-in-the-kitchen hostess.

Conversation Essential 1: Assume your conversational responsibilities.

As a hostess, one of your jobs is to ensure that all of your guests enjoy themselves. When preparing your guest list, think about the people you are inviting. Will they fit easily with one another? Do they have interests in common? Are their occupations or backgrounds similar?

On any guest list, be sure to include one or two friends you can rely on to keep the conversational ball rolling. Even so, as the hostess, you are responsible for seeing that the conversation does not develop into a series of monologues with no back and forth. You can prevent this with questions to other guests that invite their opinions.

If your party evolves into an assortment of small groups, your duties need even more attention. Be sure that every guest has part in a group discussion. Be prepared to maneuver guests from one group to another to ensure that everyone has an interesting and lively evening. Don't become so engrossed in one conversation that you ignore all else around you. Be that social butterfly that flits from group to group, starting new topics, engaging quiet or shy guests, and finessing the spotlight away from a conversation hog.

If you are a guest, be prepared to follow your hostess' lead. Better still, circulate on your own, joining and talking with everyone present at the party.

Friday Charm School - How To Sound Like a Lady

Welcome to Friday Charm School. Up to this point, we've been studying how to move. But there is another equally important component to presenting yourself as a lady: how you sound. Every day, you reveal yourself to others not only through what you say, but how you say it. You may be exquisitely groomed from head to toe, you may present yourself as a graceful, well mannered lady, but it only takes a single sentence from your lips in a high whining tone or a phrase filled with off-color language to ruin the entire effect.

Remember the story of Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady? Henry Higgins realized he couldn't pass a common street vendor off as a lady until he taught her how to speak properly.



Because the voice is so deeply entwined with emotions and the expression of personality, any lack of self-confidence or fear will be communicated with your words. Hopefully all the previous lessons about sitting, walking, and moving like a lady have contributed to pride in yourself, and that will automatically translate to a more assured and pleasing speaking voice.

Have you ever listened to your voice? If not, sit in front of a video camera or tape recorder and have a conversation with a friend or family member. If using a video camera, point the lens away from you facing a plain wall so you can concentrate on the sound of your voice when watching it back, and not your movements. Listen to the conversation several times. Check for both undesirable vocal habits and speech habits.

Vocal habits to avoid:

Shrill or whining tone
Loud dominating tone
Too soft timid tone
Monotonous pitch

Speech habits to avoid:

Mumbling
Talking too fast and slurring words together
Lack of enunciation
Slang phrases
Filler sounds - uh, um, you know, like
Use of off color language or swear words

Make a list of the poor vocal and speech habits you need to work on to correct. Then start listening to yourself as you talk during the day. Become more aware of what you are saying and how you are saying it. It also helps to listen to others around you and privately analyze their vocal patterns. You'll soon learn to "hear" and start to naturally correct your poor speech habits.

When listening to the recording of your self, you may be surprised to find your speech filled with slang expressions, swear words or annoying filler sounds that you weren't aware you were using. By becoming aware of them, you are halfway toward eliminating them. If necessary, make a game of it and start "fining" yourself a dime or a quarter each time you use one. Enlist the help of family or friends to help you notice your use of these speech habits. With persistence, you'll soon find they're gone.

The best way to work on improving your voice and speech is to read aloud. Choose a quiet time and a private space. Choose reading material that requires discriminative thinking and the full use of your imagination. Try classic poetry or Shakespeare. Read Jane Eyre again, this time out loud. Buy a copy of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations and practice one in front of the mirror every morning before heading out the door. Become aware of your voice and speech patterns, and strive to sound like a lady at all times!

Friday Charm School - How to Carry a Purse and Wear Gloves Like a Lady

Welcome to Friday Charm School! Today's lesson deals with purses and gloves.

Today, purses have become a much more important part of your fashion statement than they were in the 50s and 60s, but the basic rules for how to carry your handbag still apply. Above all, you don't want to appear awkward and unbalanced as though you are carrying a burden. Your purse should be an accessory that you carry neatly and effortlessly.


To carry a handbag, slip your hand through the handle from the outside and let the handle rest on your wrist. Turn your palm up with fingers relaxed. Place your wrist lightly against your waist so the purse rests on the flat of your hip. Don't carry your handbag under your arm like a football, as this can ruin the lines of your dress. Don't carry your handbag down by your side with your arm fully extended, as this can not only bump your leg repeatedly, but also become an obstacle for passers-by.

To carry a clutch purse, hold the bottom of the bag in your hand, resting it on the length of your index and middle fingers. Rest your hand against your hip, letting the bag relax to an angle.



To carry a shoulder bag, rest the strap on your shoulder. In order to keep the bag from swinging when you walk, grasp the center of the front strap to hold it in place. Don't push down on the top of the bag. Don't slip the strap over your head and wear the bag criss-crossing the body. This ruins the lines of your garment.


Gloves have started to come back as an important fashion accessory. Do you know what to do with your gloves?

How to put on gloves:
1. Slip your hand down the glove and gently ease it on by grasping the cuff.
2. If the gloves are snug, smooth the fingers on gently to avoid splitting the seams.
3. Never pull by the cuff, as this can stretch your glove. Instead smooth the glove with upward strokes from the fingers up the arm.
4. Never push between the fingers. Smooth the fingers with upward strokes until the glove is comfortable.

How to remove gloves:
1. Pull gently at the tip of each finger until you can hold the fingertips of the glove.
2. Grasp all the fingertips of the glove in the opposite hand and pull gently to ease your hand out.
3. Never grasp the cuff to pull your gloves off, as this will turn them inside out.

How to hold your gloves:
1. After removing your gloves, ease away any creases and reshape them.
2. Fold the thumb of each glove in and press the two gloves together, palms in, with fingertips and cuffs even.
3. With the cuff end facing out, fold the gloves over the side of your hand between the forefinger and thumb. Hold them in place with your thumb.
4. If the gloves are long, fold them in half lengthwise and place the folded part out, then hold between the forefinger and thumb.

Remember, a lady always wears both gloves, not just one.

Friday Charm School - How to Enter and Leave a Room Like a Lady

Welcome to Friday Charm School! How are the lessons working for you so far? Are you finding these moves awkward? Are you thinking about how you move, and how it looks to others? Are you finding, as I am, that these moves require strong core muscles?

The impression you make as you enter or leave a room can be your greatest asset. Here are some tips for making a good entrance and a graceful departure from a room.


When entering a room:
1. Avoid bursting into a room. Hesitate for a moment in the doorway, compose yourself, and glance quickly around to note names, faces, and the environment. Before you step into the room, you should know where you are going and to whom you will be speaking.
2. Smile.
3. If there is a door, grasp the knob with your hand. If the door opens into the room to the right, use your right hand, and vice versa. Keep your arm straight and open the door as you walk forward. Step sideways and reach behind you with the opposite hand to grab the inner door knob. Step backwards to close the door without turning your back on the room.

When leaving a room:
1. Leave a good impression. Smile.
2. Back out slowly, facing the people in the room. (OK, this is the first rule I have to disagree with. Maybe it's rude to turn my back, but walking backwards out of a room is just weird.)
3. If there is a door, walk up with your back to the door, reach behind and grasp the knob. Straighten your arm and walk forward opening the door behind you. Step to the side, grasp the outer knob and back out of the room, pulling the door closed. You are literally closing the door in your face. (Again, weird.)


When bending to pick up objects, keep your back straight and bend from the knees. Keep your head up. This is not only graceful, it protects your back from injury.

Keep practicing!

Friday Charm School - How to Handle Stairs and Cars Like a Lady

Welcome to Friday Charm School! Today, we'll look at how to get in and out of a car and how to go up and down stairs like a lady. There's lots of information to practice this week, but if you add these skills to our previous lessons, you'll be noticeably more poised!

Getting in and out of a car in a "bottoms up" or "legs sprawled" position can be unflattering and embarrasing (remember Britney?). Here is how to do it with poise and grace.
1. Stand close to the car facing the same direction the car is pointing.
2. Place the foot nearest the car on a line just in front of the seat, and the outside foot one step forward.
3. Lower yourself with your weight carried on your thigh muscles until your head is clear of the car roof and sit on the outer edge of the seat.
4. Swing your knees to the front and bring your feet inside the car.
5. Arrange your skirt.

To get out of a car:
1. Lift your derriere slightly off the seat and straighten your skirt, pulling it gracefully to cover your knees.
2. Slide to the outer edge of the seat, knees together.
3. Place the foot that is nearest the door on the curb, bending the other leg at the same time to keep the knees close together.
4. Step out with the other foot and lift yourself from a sitting position with your thigh muscles, keeping your back straight.

Have you ever had nightmares about making a grand entrance that involved coming down a staircase? Here is how to handle stairs like a lady.


1. Balance is key. Use your best posture. Don't bend your head to look at the stairs. Glance down with your eyes only.
2. Don't lead with your head. Move with your body erect, head up, weight on the back foot and placing your full weight on the front foot as the torso comes over it.
3. Place your entire foot on the step without letting your heel hang over the edge.
4. Take your time!
5. On narrow stairs, place your feet sideways.
6. When getting on busses, trains, etc., face in the direction the vehicle is moving and hold the handrail. Step up with your feet sideways on the steps.

How do you handle stairs when wearing a long dress? You don't want to trip on the hem or hold your dress up too high.

In a narrow skirt, bend your knees and grasp the fabric of the skirt a few inches above the knee. Lift the skirt until it is just above your ankles and glide up or down the stairs.

With a full skirt, use both hands. Bend your knees slightly and grasp each side of the skirt a few inches above the knees. Lift the skirt until it is just above the ankles.